Saturday, June 24, 2006

Happy B-Day to me



I celebrated my 40th yesterday. Had a few friends over and had a party. Still feeling the effects of yesterday. Hope everybody has a great weekend.





As you have seen I have not been posting this week. The picture above is at fault. The weather is surprisingly great and I am spending alot of time at my local bierkeller. If the weather keeps up I will be away for awhile.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Fattie Friday



Well the World Cup is going on. I know 99.9% of the Americans have no fucking idea what that is but hey Go team USA. Have a great weekend and go out and enjoy another double whopper with cheese and bacon for me. :)

Peace

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Bar

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150".

The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics & spirituality, biochemistry, environmental erconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, & sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed & thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, & comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink & asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, & women's body parts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar & decides to give the robot 1 more test. He heads out & returns.

The robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

The robot says... real slowly, "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???

The Son in-law.

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A
STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED
HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE
ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED:
"MOM, I'M 35 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL
EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE
OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS
QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M 35,
UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.
PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED
THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZ ZING NOISE
COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED AND OBSERVED HER
HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV.
THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"... THE HUSBAND REPLIED:
"I'M WATCHING BASEBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Snake in the grass


Now this is a Kodak moment. I aint talking about the snake either. :)
Push on picture to enlarge.


Peace

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. Joan of Arc heard voices too.
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
12. As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
13. When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
16. All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
17. I am at one with my duality.
18. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
20. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
22. False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
23. A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
24. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
25. Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
26. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
27. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
28. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
29. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.
30. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
31. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
32. I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Fattie Friday




Hope every one has a great weekend.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Just say," Cheese"


It is moments like this in baseball that make me love the game.

Peace

Monday, June 05, 2006

Apocalypse is upon us. REPENT




All you bible toting yahoos repent for the Apocalypse is tomorrow.
What I find so funny about 666 is that only in America does anyone give it relavince.
May god have mercy on your souls.

Peace

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fattie Friday

How Liposuction works. The before and after pictures. ;)



I hope everybody has a great weekend.